That's honestly the only word that describes how I am feeling.
As silly as that sounds.
I feel much more than that, but it's like it's stuck.
You probably don't know how much I like you and how much you mean to me.
Planning was just shitty.
And I hate how completely public I feel that it is.
I just look bad.
I can't be happy for more than two weeks.
It always hits at once, doesn't it?
And now it's starting to hit me.
Not to mention this is the first real Christmas with just the three of us.
In this house.
Without a mother figure.
With a tree, but no Mom.
How will I be able to open up the decorations without bawling?
I can't handle going to Sebastopol to see her and then cut down a tree without her.
I wish my mom had been able to see the show.
I wish I could love Christmas again, instead of always getting depressed.
Can't I just go back to a week ago?
I think Erin being back in town is the only good thing going right now.
1 comment:
I don't have a mama at Christmas either. I mostly just have to extra love the other people that I do have, and take comfort in the fact that if she could be with me, I know my mom would be. And I know yours would too.
If you want, I'll take you to Sebastopol. I don't work Wednesday? And I can take you to see my mom if you want. Or we can just get cocoa and watch a Christmas movie or something.
I know it sucks, but I also know that you are going to get through it. Even when it doesn't seem like it, we still have something to be thankful for. /cliche.
I love you!
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